I’ve never been a person who has an easy time making friends. I’m a loner, a homebody. I enjoy the company of some people, but when I’m around people, I’m quiet and reserved. There’s a level of shyness to my personality, but I’m mostly the opposite of outspoken. I don’t go out of my way to seek attention. I’m not a good host. I’m a classic introvert. I get energy when I’m alone and away from people

The friends I have made throughout my life have been a select few. I’m picky, and I’m also kind of a dick, but I’ll get to that later. This selectivity comes more from me not being able to handle large groups of relationships. And by large groups I mean an average of more than 3 people. My social relationships have been pretty simple, at least in my mind. There’s your family, your partner, and one or two good friends. The rest are just acquaintances like coworkers and schoolmates. That’s it. Or is it?

Being naturally introspective, I have pondered in life many topics. One of them of course has been the meaning of friendships. What is a friend? What is a true friend? My definition has always been deep. A friend to me is someone who’s always there for you. It’s someone you can talk to about anything. Someone you can trust. Someone that understands you. Someone that shares your point of view and has similar shared experiences.

Is this too idealized a definition of friendship? Probably. As I read my definition out loud I realize that even I can’t live up to being that kind of friend. I can be that kind of friend of course to my girl-friend or at least I try to be that friend. But are friendships like that possible outside of romantic relationships? Of course, and we should always strive for them and seek them out.

I realize however that our social lives are complex. You can’t put your relationships into two categories of friends and non-friends. That’s silly and reductive. And even though I have a hard time dealing with the concept of casual friendships, I understand that seeking out the company of others doesn’t always have to be a deep and meaningful interaction. I understand the power of weak ties.

Here’s the thing people… I’m getting old. I’m getting opinionated and set in my ways, and I’m not liking that. I don’t like how that feels. Unintentionally, I come of as someone that doesn’t like people, but the truth is that I love people, even the ones I don’t like.

I need more people in my life. I need people I can talk to about movies and shit. I need to go to more coding meetups. I’m looking for my people. I’m seeking out my tribe. I’m looking for friends.